Those of us who have endured trauma, of any kind, can have a distorted sense of self-awareness.

If, for example, you have suffered emotional abuse, then your self-narrative is likely to be orientated around feeling as though you don’t deserve something, or disbelieving compliments. It’s because for a period of time you’ve had untrue and unkind things said about you. Aspects of your personality become hidden under the barrage of vile language and abuse. The abuse becomes “normal” to you, and the only way you’ve been able to hold on to strands of any kind of self-awareness, respect or sanity, is to grow numb – to keep your mind on auto pilot.
This can go on for a long time, before you are even aware of your changed personality. It can take many years to get better, or to even realise it…

Of course, self-awareness often starts with our physical appearance. If we’ve had nasty things said about how we look, then distortions are rife here too. Due to my disability and the trauma I’ve carried, I too have blurred edges when it comes to my self-awareness.
I’m fortunate that I have a loving partner of many years. But, all the nice things he’s said about me, including about how I look, I didn’t really believe. I assumed he was simply being kind. Then, last year I attended a school reunion – we had great fun. Yet I was astonished when a couple of the “boys” paid me compliments… they took a while to register, because all I was actually thinking was: “Oh my partner must be right then.”
I’ve learnt to stop shutting down compliments, and to believe the people I trust the most when they say something kind about me. If we can start believing genuine souls, and the kind things that they say to us, it’s a positive step in the right direction towards self-healing and self-awareness. And most importantly, self-love.