When we remove the false support systems from our lives, we become almightily strong. This is because we have reconnected to the best and most helpful versions of us. We are present with number one, have a desire to live in real time and we have more clarity of mind. And, although it may feel impossible to believe, we feel a new sense of calm, we have new reasons to feel proud.

Working on ourselves is not easy. Saying goodbye to vices, that we treated as friends or painkillers is extremely hard to do. But reliance on things, such as alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes’ is like mind fog, and it clouds our judgements, as well as being detrimental to our physical and mental health.

I am not preaching to you; I speak from decades of experience. My late mother positively encouraged my siblings and I to drink and smoke. She would leave freshly lit cigarettes in the ashtrays around our house, and by the time I was seven years old, I was a smoker. Whilst not smoking fulltime at that tender age, by the time I was eleven, my younger brother, sister, and I were daily consumers of cigarettes. When my mother’s other crimes escalated, at aged thirteen, we were morning swiggers of alcohol.

Luckily, due to having cerebral palsy, by adulthood, I grew the sense to barely bother with alcohol.  My late father was an alcoholic, and whilst it wasn’t the cause of his passing; I seldom drink at all, and didn’t even bother with a celebratory drink at Christmas. Alcohol, and neurological disabilities do not mix well.

But I stopped and started smoking, and often went for months and years without cigarettes. I didn’t smoke during pregnancies; yet somehow when anxieties rose within, no matter how bad I felt about myself doing so, I’d succumb.

More recently, and I wish to point out that it takes an average of six times to quit the ash; I stopped in May ’24. I was blessed with my first grandchild, and wished not to be a smoker.

However, in the October of that same year, I’m embarrassed to state that I started smoking again.

In was in the month of Halloween, quite fitting upon reflection, that my mother died. The woman who abused me physically, and emotionally throughout my childhood, continuing until I finally disowned her in February ’23.

Her machinations continued from beyond the grave, I heard of her demise third party. The details are irrelevant. The nugget of wisdom- of course, that she was my anger trigger!

Once I consciously realised this, back in December, I was able to take a bird’s eye view of my weakness to nicotine, frankly stemming from the child survival mode when by my siblings and I, would hide and form strategies for keeping safe…

Though it’s only been months that I am free of this substance: I know, thanks to a shift in my psyche, that I will not go back to smoking. Luckily, I have had several times since, that have piqued my anguish. But now I know the reason for my triggers, I truly feel blessed and empowered.

If this resonates with you, there is no shame, sheer courage in fact- to seek professional support to help you quit a vice.  Or, bravely look at what causes you to fall into submission. Self-honesty, and discipline, are in my opinion, the strongest tools that we can all learn to foster to become the greatest, most invincible versions of ourselves.

I hope you find this helpful.

With SUNNY wishes,

Emma x