In a normal upbringing, infants learn love and trust from their parents. In a dysfunctional environment, they learn self-trust instead.

Yet because the child, who is often a parent-child, must navigate through an unorthodox, typically unsafe home life; this attribute typically gets disguised as self-survival. Or there are so many other machinations to deal with, that the very tool we have in place to stay safe, gets hidden in the subconscious mind. We may not recall the positive actions we took as children, when we relied on self-trust, because we tend to only remember the negative times in our childhoods.

But, if we can bravely cite the historical times when trusting number one positively helped us, then we can bring our old mindset of yesteryear into our real time today. We can commend ourselves for the way we utilised the skill back then, strip away the hindering emotions, and focus on the titanium strength that is self -trust.

I’m lucky because I’ve done this exercise before, and I pinpointed an early time in my childhood when I had to rely on self-trust. It was when I was three years old, and learning to walk, late in doing so due to the cerebral palsy. The physiotherapist kept insisting on steadying me with my able hand, it was only when I defyingly gave her my poorly hand, that I eventually took my first steps. It was to a percussion of my mother tutting impatiently.

I knew then, that I had to trust number one, and it served me very well throughout my childhood. Many times, and against the hollers of our mother; I intercepted some of her actions that prevented further medical emergencies happening to me and my siblings…

And then I grew up, and although mother seldom allowed us to see our father; at least when we did, I learned further about the crucial part that self-reliance plays in our lives; since he was a foundling, enduring most of his informative years in a childrens’ home. But against the odds, he became a successful businessman.

I fused his steely determination onto my own, and then when I was blessed with a child, I encouraged her to trust number one. I continue to enjoy countless times, when she’s confidently listened to her own instinct – where she too can trust her own decisions…

We live in a world full of people, and if we’re lucky, then some of them become lifelong friends. These precious souls, we build a two-way rapport with because we love and trust them, we give and take.

Equally, whilst they wish to advise and guide us, point us in the right direction or even wish to help us, they too will signpost you back to your own mind. The wonderful human intellect that we all have.

If you’re struggling to trust number one, which could be for a multitude of reasons, then try this simple exercise:

Allocate some time to sit quietly and comfortably somewhere on your own. Grab yourself a cup of tea, notebook, and pen, and start reflecting. Cast your thoughts back as far as you can remember, and jot down all times when you readily trusted number one.

Do not discount times that you may feel are insignificant – because like fragments of gold, they amass, and are powerful in your healing journey. So, for instance, when you were a child, did you trust yourself to show kindness to the lonely child in the playground. Did you trust yourself to tie your own shoe laces… and when you were a teenager, hungry for cash, you must have trusted number one, when you got yourself your very first job.

Remember it’s usually external influences that cause distortions in your original personality. They must be considered as dust. Because when we are young, we want to trust number one!

I hope you find this helpful.

With SUNNY wishes,

Emma xx