I know a professional who’s in a position of authority, and to communicate without hidden meaning, is an admirable skill. To put people at ease, whilst remaining friendly; yet needing to manage them takes special traits.

To be undertaken in real life, in a manner that creates cooperation, and fluidity; can only really be achieved successfully: if there is no presence of ego.

This is why, when I overheard the person say: “I’d rather you didn’t”, the subject of phrases, and how we group words together got me thinking. We all know the saying: “It’s not what you say, it’s the way that you say it”.

My friend in question, was mindful of consequences about a certain action. She must have rehearsed the worst outcome in her mind’s eye before she spoke.  She must have wanted to defuse and prevent it from occurring. She wanted her message to be heard easily, as opposed to raising her voice. She was focusing on a peaceful outcome.

The details of the event are irrelevant. Yet, dismantling her choice of words feels helpful.

She could have been more direct, or stern. There were no outward signs of either party becoming cross or emotional. The matter was resolved quickly, – even laughed about. In fact we found amusement in her cleverly thought out words afterwards, over a cup of tea.

We discussed other ways that she could have expressed in words: her need for quick intervention: –

“Don’t even think about it” / “Stop, right now” / “Go inside now.”

I put myself in the other person’s shoes. I recalled how I’d felt in childhood, when I’d been shouted at. We stop listening, we zone out. We rebel and do the direct opposite, just because we can perhaps.

No humans respond well to harsh aggressive language; yet we all benefit from growing to become better versions of ourselves: sometimes there’s a need to deliver a tough message. One that produces the desired effect of peace and a clearing of the path to deeper understanding.

“I’d rather you didn’t”: worked. There is a subtle fondness in this sentence, because the person holds hands with the other, by using the word “I”. It means: I am linking arms with you and in your subconscious mind, I hope these words feel like we’re walking down a lane together.

It makes the person who was going to act out their temper feel disarmed because it’s a stern request delivered with care; and feels like they have popped themselves onto an even playing field.

It leads to sitting down to discuss feelings, as opposed to an argument ensuing. The sting has wizened off, instead of being yanked- out crossly.

We have been given the wonderful gift of language. Our souls are blessed to have landed in human form. We have the right to live a full and happy life. We all have the need to live a life full of love, sharing, peace, and healing.

Our words are powerful, use them consciously. Say them in your head, before you speak. Consider picking the words you use as though they were flowers. Remove the thorns of conflict before you start talking. If you do, it’ll feel from the heart, and natural: like flowers.

Repeat similar: nuisance-free sentences, several times, if need be, and keep calm.

Because using this technique will get you all sat down with a cup of tea, a sweet biscuit, and prepare all minds to start a conversation: – in a peaceful constructive considered manner.

 

I hope this helps.

SUNNY wishes,

Emma x