Where we can make choice of our own free-will; we need to make choices to try to keep calm.

It is not easy, especially for those of us who are survivors of trauma: we have been used to fast reactions, and surges of adrenalin. But as we learn to heal, we must assert ourselves to the fact that we’re in control of our own mind. We are the boss of our glorious highly sophisticated grey matter. We need to be especially mindful of these facts when we feel ourselves wobble…  Borrow a “got this” attitude.

The most important thing to do is take some deep breaths: inhale through nostrils, hold ‘til the count of four, then exhale through pursed lips to the count of four. Repeat four times.

Then chant: “Calm minds think clearer.”

Next call to mind someone alive and who you adore! Picture every tiny detail about their beautiful faces. Think of all the reasons you love them and enjoy noticing those popping- candy delightful sensations in your tummies; they’ll spread to your limbs – all of you – when you tune in to your body…mine is my daughter!

Do not expect an instant result: this is about keeping your mind conscious, and in the moment. It is about learning to switch your head to calm mode.

Try picturing yourself clambering back into the driving seat of your wayward emotions. Or, as the teacher of your emotions: armed with a whistle: in a noisy playground.

Popping yourself into this mindset, can be likened to starting up your car engine: you have a journey to make, but you’re ready to go. Now, just like planning your route, you can plan calm choices.

You want to build up your stock of calm choices, as though they were a starter-kit, so that you can expand your resources: as you get used to re-setting your mind: switching on the calm button. One gentle step at a time.

To begin with, find non-taxing distractors: pop on some relaxing music / sorting Lego cubes by colour/ squashing boxes into the recycling cart / brushing your hair / massaging your scalp / washing your face / sorting out canned food in the cupboard / doing a puzzle.

When you get used to introducing these distractors, then build -up slowly to other helpful calming-inducers, such as:

Going for a ten-minute walk / finding a bench to sit on and listen to birdsong: even if you cannot distinguish the breeds, try to count how many different “voices” you can hear / stretching your limbs: reach up as far as you can to the sky. I pretend I’m touching daddy’s fingers; legs astride, and then gently bend down, as far as is comfortable, and try to do ten sets.

Do not exert yourself: instead, reward yourself for setting up the stepping- stones for a calmer you.

Call to mind that factually our heads will be able think clearly when we keep calm.

More than anything else, this is about gently introducing yourself to a new helpful habit.

Once you familiarise yourselves with some ideas about how to find feelings of calm; you can practice at your own speed, until they hopefully become second-nature.

I hope this is helpful.

SUNNY wishes,

Emma x