Imagine that you are with a group of friends, relaxing on a sandy beach.

You’re sitting in a circle, and someone decides to draw the number nine onto the sand.

What do you see?

Of course, you’ll see the number nine, but you could see it as the number six, depending on whereabouts you’re sitting.

You are simply validating what you see, depending on your viewpoint; yet this simplified example can be such a helpful reference point in our daily lives.

We deserve the freedom of speech, and as largely compassionate beings, we like to offer our advice and help. Yet, most of us avoid arguments and confrontations, because we prefer to live harmoniously and in peace. But, in the countless varying relationships, we have in our lifetimes, we won’t always agree with another person’s viewpoint.

This is when validation is a mature and wise approach. It is the ability to reserve your point of view calmly and constructively, and without spiking ire in the person who has sought your help.

Very often, those you care about, especially if they are of a different generation to you, are seeking your opinion because they midst of formulating their own. They are calling upon you to be a soundboard. But, they may not have the same level of maturity, or wisdom as you do, and in this space could be misunderstandings or disagreements.

You wish to diffuse any potential argument, but you still want and deserve to, validate your own opinion. So let them speak, and listen quietly. Give them your full attention, and allow them to express their issue or problems.

Now choose validation:

“I hear what you’re saying, and although that wouldn’t my choice, I can see that it could work well in your shoes. We’ll always be here for you, wherever you decide to live”.

Note: you have expressed your opinion, and you have demonstrated that you have listened to theirs.  You have created a neutral space for further dialogue. You have done so calmly, and so prevented any disagreement. You have validated your opinion harmoniously, whilst endorsing feelings of security for the person in question.

The key to your answer in this example is by first expressing that you have heard what the person is saying. You have repeated the essence of what they’ve said to you, whilst validating your own opinion too.

I hope you find this helpful.