Many of us can relate to the anthropomorphic antics of the white rabbit in Lewis Carroll’s timeless childrens’ stories.

The poor thing is always late, rushing around, and brimming over with nervous energy; which seems only apparent to the reader. He is further relatable to – since he functions, unbeknownst to him, on an undercurrent of anxiety…

But anxiety speeds us up, it is like soul-sugar, and only needed in small doses. We must recognise this, and recall that it effects our entire physiology. It makes us doubt our own abilities, although we may not realise so, and even though we’re punctual for our appointments. Or, that we run our lives efficiently, apart from the depilating symptoms of anxiety, that we ignore, or we’re yet to recognise and address.

We must learn that calm is mastery; in this mind state: we think clearly, and we are alert and informed. It leads to fulfilment and a thirst to thrive in our lives. Especially if we have a sense of loss, for all the dormant or impinged times; when our minds have been arrested by abuse or trauma.

Last week, I spoke about what I call mind-combing; that the simple act of brushing one’s hair, a loved one, or a pet: can help to start awakening you to your subconscious mind.  This is where your authentic version of yourself resides. It is the real you, before you endured anxiety, and home to your dreams and aspirations. You deserve to be back in touch with your former version of you!

It was in my childhood, at the peak of my mother’s crimes, when my anxiety first moved in. It has lived with me- ever since, the ugly shape of it. It has been like living in a home full of rubble or void of windows. That is until recently, when I’ve taught myself how to notice, and clear it.

The lump of it started to crumble, when the cerebral palsy worsened, and I had a choice to keep slim, or face surgery. These days, three years on; I continue to eat well, and exercise within the restraints of the disability.  Now feeling far more alert, awake and conscious; it seems as though these lifestyle changes are akin to moving a mind -bulldozer in. I can see the bareness of all my anxious idiosyncrasies, and address and correct them, one step at a time.

And goodness me, they are subtle!

Whilst I’ve known for years that I rush, or try to – around like the rabbit, I had no idea how much reactive body – lurching I was doing.

Last week, for instance, I thought that I was relaxing in the bath. I was on one level, though not completely. After just a few moments of laying flat, as usual, I felt compelled to start fidgeting. It’s a residual symptom of mother’s penchant for timing tasks, and her disregard for relaxing. We were disallowed to relax as kids… But something clicked, and I said to self: “Stay put Emma, you’re in pain and you could do with a hot soak.”

I’ve never relaxed in the bath before, so it felt weird – but I stuck with it, and helped myself by stating my own order aloud, and forcing myself again, to stay put. I immersed my troublesome neck and shoulders under the water, and felt lazy doing so. This feeling I immediately batted out of my head; it was never my narrative… then, I slow-counted to one hundred. I was so pleased with myself for not moving, that I further counted another hundred. I had broken the white rabbit spell.

When I write these pieces, I nearly always spring out of my chair, several times, and it’s always for no good reason; other than residual anxiety.

Today, I’ve rationed myself to just the once, it was a genuine reason – to turn off the oven; and I feel delighted to be amid addressing this historic subconscious action. It’s entirely achieved through being consciously aware, that I’m my own boss. This realisation, itself, is an anxiety-melter.

Try to give self-narrative as you go about your day, you are your own correctional voice. When we speak aloud to ourselves, it lifts us out of autopilot mode, and we learn to blossom in a life of alert conscious control and thinking.

I hope you find this helpful.

With SUNNY wishes,

Emma xx

PS: I would like to thank Lea Hollande for referring to the white rabbit – in her wonderfully kind feedback last week, since it was the inspiration behind this post.