Those of us who endured tough childhoods may feel particularly challenged when it comes to making decisions. It’s because we had poor, or an absence of any healthy reference points to assist us during our informative years. Our care-givers had other priorities over guiding or nurturing their children.

We often reverted to a knee-jerk response, largely to try to keep a sense of equilibrium. We were compliant, and quiet; and in my case, a child-parent to my younger siblings. Trying to survive the chaotic up-bringing was my sole focus…

In adulthood, I threw myself into career -mode, later in actual parent mode. My business and motherly decisions were relatively easy for me: I had a good role-model in my dad, and saw how he ran his company. As a parent to my daughter, I knew how not to be a mother, so I decided to raise my daughter in the ways I’d longed to be looked after when I was a child.

Yet, when it comes to making other decisions in my life; I still find it challenging because I only have poor reference points. I make a lot of guesstimates, or, when trying to formulate a decision, I have the nettles of anxiety to contend with. Decisions monopolise our lives, – I read somewhere that we humans make 35,000 daily!

Thankfully, I’m much better at making decisions in other aspects of my life now; albeit it’s only been two years in the making. It was at this time when my disability worsened and when I consciously became my own mother! I’d also lost my client – base during covid; so, the reality of my new lifestyle could have woken my sensibilities. I was at a personal ground zero stage…

Naturally I felt vulnerable, my ability to walk was in jeopardy, and my income had plummeted. But luckily, I realised that my priority was to focus on seeking the support from my doctor; who subsequently referred me to various specialists. I diligently focused on doing the exercises bestowed on me, especially because if I hadn’t, then surgery remains the only other option.

So, keeping healthy and as fit as possible became my solid foundation: every day, I still must decide whether to maintain my exercise. Of course, it’s a no-brainer, if I’m to keep mobile. And, although injury has meant that I’ve not been fully committed for six weeks; I am mindful about my predicament, therefore, now my leg has recovered: to gently restart my regime.

Additionally, I must be careful about not gaining weight: but of course, I did during the festive period- like many of us, I have a sweet tooth!

But each time I consumed something chocolatey: I morphed into a caring friend. I said to self: “Enjoy these sweets, but reflect tomorrow.” This is my made -up game, which might be helpful to you.

When I ate something yummy, I deliberately decided to clutter my kitchen worktop with five fruit items, that same evening, so that they’d sort of wink at me, the following morning. I do this frequently, and always pop them in my way, so that they act as a helpful prop.

I’ve also got my exercising stick and balancing chair in situ, meaning that I’ve made a passive decision to gently reembark on my exercises. It’s like having a theatre set ready for the actors, and because they too are in the way: I’m already beginning to utilise them again.

Another way to help formulate your decisions, is to narrate your day. When you go about your daily job, or lifestyle, say allowed what you’re doing because it keeps your mind alert and in real time.

Here’s an example of how self-narration can assist you, before you even get out of bed in the morning:

“Right Emma, you need to go to the bank, and get some food shopping in. Plus, don’t forget you have an article to write.”

Before two years ago, I might have whizzed to the supermarket, when it’d be better to get on with the writing first. (in the morning, when my pain is lessened). Nowadays by listening to my own commentary, I can better adapt my day, which in turn makes decisions far easier to reach.

Last and not least keep in regular touch with your closet friends. They are the family you choose for yourself. They only want the best outcome for you, and they will happily help you formulate your decisions.

I hope this is helpful.

SUNNY wishes,

Emma x