There are a host of reasons as to why you may not be a good friend to yourself!

There’s no need for me to list any, just think of them as personal mind-debris, and we know about rubbish; therefore, it’s not always us that dumps the bags in our heads!

But why should you allow the festering hindrance of often other people’s historic bad narrative from blocking the river of self-love that you deserve? It’s yours for the reclaiming, it’s your birthright… it’s likely adorned with beautiful lush flowers, bouncing rabbits and chirping birds: the love you sprinkle on everyone- but you. The family and friends you cherish with all your heart, whom you’d do anything for, and yet you may well: still be over-looking making friends with number one.

You’re likely the person for whom the words: “self-care” evades you, as though it were a fantasy for someone more worthy. You may have such a hectic lifestyle, that you dismiss any notion of it: purely because it sounds as though it’ll take too much time. Or, you may be pushing the idea of being kinder to yourself away: because it sounds like another financial cost.

Yet, that’s not how you treat those you love is it? You’ll always find the time to try to support them: listen to them for hours at an end, lovingly supporting them, offering advice, or more. And, even though your finances might be super-tight: you’ll somehow make sure that Aunt Doris still has her favourite scented soap set at Christmas. You’ll work magic in the kitchen, making delicious food on a budget. Or you’ve gone without to ensure you can deliver the tastiest festive spread.

So how we start making friends with ourselves; when there seems to be so many demands made on us to continue helping others? … I bet you’re a first- class friend to lots of other humans, so now it’s your turn, and you can start small.

Firstly, it’s a case of a subtle mind-shift: one that orientates on it dawning on you, that you highly deserve to be a good friend to number one.  Whether you had kind nurturing parents or not, don’t allow what may have happened in your past: to still hold you in martyr mode.

Secondly, find the time later, while in the shower or in bed to think about some of your ingrained habits, they might include:

1: Always making sure that everyone has been fed – but you

2: Spending so much time listening to someone, that you have none left for you

3: Saying yes to something because you don’t wish to feel guilty by saying no

4: Always being the one to pay when you know the reciprocate has far better finances than you

5: Going along with the usual weekend regime, purely because you feel numb or obliged.

 

If we were to look at the above, then my responses might be:

 

1: Know that those you love would want you to eat too! If it’s a monetary issue: dole out smaller portions for everyone, and add cheaper seasonal, or preserved fruit and vegetables.

2: Be honest with the person, tell them at the beginning of the conversation about your time restraint, and if you detect emotional blackmail – call them out on it. Be assertive and kind:” I’ve got half an hour free now, and once you’ve seen your therapist, I can be available for another chat later in the week”.

3: “I’d rather stay here today while you visit your mum, I have to get on with my course work, but do send my love, tell her I’ll call her later”

4: “Do you fancy treating us today” – say nothing else and don’t fish about for your purse, or wallet, find something to distract you: a cute animal, the décor of where you happen to be, or small talk with one of the staff.

5: I’ve been to lots of your car boots recently; I fancy relaxing on the beach today, feel free to join me after.”

Whilst these may not be the exact reasons that hinder your friendship with yourself, I’m merely offering you prompts to help you assert yourself better to your own desires and needs.

See them as building the foundations towards a new you; practice delivering your shifting mindset in words similar to my suggestions. Try doing so for a month, and keep your progress to yourself.

If anyone mentions your evolving language, simply say that you’re trying to become a better friend to yourself. Point out that this is simply you learning about the importance of selfcare; you can suggest other selfless friends try it to.

After a month or so, when you’ve noticed the positive shift in how your loved ones treat you differently too, then you can start thinking about other ways to become a better friend to number one. Perhaps you could get a couple of friends over and enjoy making some homemade facial treatments. Could you get some training shoes, and pick-up your old love of running.

Either way, you will start feeling like an improving friend to yourself!

 

I hope this helps.

 

SUNNY wishes,

Emma x