Phycologists state that we are at our strongest when we are calm. It is about conscious awareness of being present in the moment. Good examples of controlling a wayward mind can often be observed in professional sportspeople. When we watch a footballer trying to score a goal, the work is more mind-focused than it is physical.

But, for those of us who are survivors of complex trauma, learning to keep calm can be extremely hard. I am still learning how to manage my critical mind, yet gradually I am making progress. Here are some of the things I do to help me, which I hope can support you too:

1:  Acknowledge your true feelings: By admitting to yourself whether you are feeling calm or stressed, or any other negative emotion is empowering in itself. For too long experts have advocated suppressing one’s feelings, but it’s far better to identify them and familiarise yourselves with them.  This way you can pre-empt trigger points, and plan for varying circumstances. Or indeed, bravely talk to a loved one or professional.

2: Keep a journal: it’s a useful reference tool because you can look back at your pitfalls and progress. You don’t have to write lots of words, although writing about how you are really feeling is immensely helpful when learning to self-heal.

3: Write a “To do” list: But only jot down a single –day’s action, and then grade each task: A /B/C. For future tasks, e.g. “book dentist apt”, jot that down in a diary for when the task becomes actually due.

4: Start making healthy breathing exercises as important as brushing your teeth. I practice a host of varying breathing exercises many times, when needed, daily. Correct breathing re-sets your mind.

5: Batch cook your vegetables’. We all know about the nutritional importance of eating them, and if cooking is a chore for you, then by roasting a tray of them at a time, they can be portioned out, kept in the fridge, and reheated for when you want them. Healthy eating dramatically affects our moods.

6: Get outside because even a fifteen-minute walk will reset your frame of mind. If you can’t walk well, simply sitting outside with birdsong and nature, in quiet contemplation will evoke a sense of calmness.

7: Pick one or two positive affirmations and practice them daily, e.g. “I’ve got this” or “I trust my intelligence to help me”.

8: Listen to your favourite music, and if you’ve not done so before, try classical music too, such as Chopin, which is incredibly relaxing.

9: Get enough sleep. The hour quantity varies for each of us. I know that I need seven hours minimum.

10: Set boundaries’. Stop being available to everybody at a drop of a hat. You need to be available to you. A simple way to do this is by offering alternative options: “I can’t join you for the meal, but I can meet you all earlier for drinks beforehand”.