Have you ever told someone that they have mud or perhaps a bit of food on their face?

I know I have, and usually because a friend has lipstick on their teeth. It comes with the territory of wearing brightly coloured lips!

But why, when we care greatly about someone else, do we frequently make do with second best for ourselves? I’m not talking literally about having a bit of mud on your face, moreover about putting other peoples’ wellbeing over our own.

It’s a behavioural pattern I see frequently, especially in other sufferers of trauma.

Of course, most of us want to be considerate and kind, but we need to incorporate self-kindness too; stop thinking of it as selfish, indulgent or frivolity. We need to love ourselves as much as we do other people.

It’s not easy to achieve for those of us who endure PTSD, because the wiring in our heads has been damaged and disrupted. But in an era where mental health services are stretched to capacity, we have to take manageable steps to improve our own wellbeing.

So try with easy to attain acts of self-kindness – here’s a few examples:

1: Treat yourself to a lipstick, as well as buying one for a friend

2: Have a turn wallowing in the bath

3: Make sure your meal is piping hot, not just for those you are serving

4: Join in relaxing on the sofa, as opposed to racing through the washing up

5: Serve yourself a portion of cake, even if it’s only a sliver

When you apply these suggestions, or use some of your own, you are gradually re-training your mind-set – and with practice, you will start a healthier balance of kindness to others and self-kindness.