Justice isn’t always served to perpetrators of abuse, many of whom continue living a free life, undetected, and in denial.
Occasionally, and only if there’s sufficient evidence, historic abusers may finally be brought to justice – yet many of whom continue integrating themselves into normal life.
This causes a life of anguish and pain to the victims, and many complex mental health problems. Yet, family dynamics are complex, meaning that the victim often still has to communicate with their abuser. This is especially difficult around Christmas time.
Here are some of my coping tips which could be useful:
- Love from a distance – do not make yourselves easily available just because it’s Christmas, and do not feel obliged to make a visit in person – send a card or gift instead.
- Send all greetings cards early to help reduce your unfounded anxiety or guilt.
- Steer clear from all emotive or antagonistic language – write as though you were royalty: pleasantries and the weather are the best subjects!
- Avoid answering questions about your personal life – if they ask manipulative questions in letters/emails to you, remember you have the control and can cherry-pick what you choose to tell them, which should be as little as possible.
- Do not mention your true feelings – getting angry or frustrated only hurts you, because ultimately narcissists are only concerned with their own wellbeing.
- Avoid, switch off, or fast-forward the surge of sentimental seasonal advertising – remember that it is retailers wishing to sell to you. The ideal family depictions, which may not be true for you, will only serve to make you more depressed.
- Ensure that you plan early to enjoy quality time with those who really love you.
- Have memorable times with these people with delicious food and gifting which is within your budget.
- Don’t forget to seek professional help. Whilst mental health services are busy, they are also more aware than ever of our fragile minds, and it could be worth you trying to arrange another appointment with your doctor.