The ability to identify our emotions is something we start to develop as children. Our parents or guardians play a key role in helping us to understand what we are feeling.

But, if we have been maltreated and suffered abuse or neglect, then any such nurturing may be absent or distorted. As we grow up, many key emotions such as anger, fear, guilt or sadness will be challenging to grasp – my friend, Phil (https://philipflanagan.co.uk/) states that 65% of adults cannot correctly identify their emotions!

In response to friends or family asking us how we are feeling, we might answer with something like: “I don’t know I’m just wound up!” In a similar way to learning any new skill, such as tying a shoelace, if we’re not taught how to fathom our emotions then trying to convey how we are feeling will be frustrating. It’s often frustration, rather than anger, that erodes a mood.

It’s taken me a long time, and I’m still learning, how to compensate for the inadequacies from my own childhood. My advice is to remember that we can only control our thoughts and our actions. Additionally, by knowing that many of us wrestle with identifying our true emotions, we remind ourselves that we are not alone.

With this in mind, try to start a conversation with someone in need – be equipped with the knowledge that a lot of us struggle to figure out our emotions, and make sure to be extra patient when offering them a caring ear.