Help – all I can see is fog and thorns!

It’s only when we speak to other people that we often realise:  we’re not the only ones struggling with our mental health. And you may sometimes feel like not talking to anyone! You may be having a bad day, or received some bad news, or just don’t feel like being sociable. That’s fine. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for not wanting to talk about your feelings all the time.

When I lost my brother, it felt like falling into a bed of thorns. The pain is still physical.  At the beginning, it was like everything was a blur, anything moving seemed to stand still, and it was like the world was veiled in a daze of grey fog. It’s still not entirely lifted. I’m getting used to the notion that it may never will.

Anything which scratches our mental wellbeing will, most likely, leave you with a mental scar. Everyone bears them, and there is no point in trying to match your progress with anyone else. Why add to your anxieties?

We all feel and react to our problems uniquely. It’s the same with happiness. Some things which will make one person roll around on the floor laughing will leave another person entirely straight-faced.

We have our individual ways in which we deal with our anger or guilt, and it’s the same with time frames, too – it takes every individual their own amount of time to work through their troubles.

If you are wrestling amongst your own bed of thorns and fog, then nobody else should try to force you to increase your pace. They may plead with you to do something social with them, but if you have just had a scratch in your mental health, you will need time to try to process the event, incident or problem – perhaps on your own. Even so, force yourself to keep in regular touch with people who make you feel good about yourself. Small talk will do for now.

As you try to come to terms with your news, and try to get your head around what impact it may have on you and the people you care about, all you can really do is work at your own pace, especially in the early days. I, for instance, noticed that once I’d stopped trying to stash the milk in the cupboard, or go outside without any shoes…that some tiny pockets of the fog had lifted. I was functioning better with basic stuff! It took about three months before I stopped gnawing at my nails – which I hadn’t bitten in more than a decade. It’s taken over two years for me to remember to eat properly…

As your fog starts to lift in tiny spots, you might find it helpful to notice what has helped the fog to clear for you. I started to find little bursts of energy. Whenever you have a personal storm tearing into your mental wellbeing, it’s exhausting. For a while all I wanted to do was sleep, but of course, I couldn’t. The point is to notice every tiny morsel of anything that you do which is good, and makes you feel good. Even remembering to sling on some shoes or put the milk in the fridge – because even within this small act, there is a glimmer of positive energy: your personal fuel, to help you through the next hour or day.