I am very much a wild horse when it comes to the anger that still charges in my guts. But it causes a lot of useful energy too.  I must work daily to tame it, and to extract and repurpose that handy soul-fuel.

I am vigilant about it, because I continue to do much work on improving number one. I also recognized the cause of it; and now realise that most of the strands of it: – are directly linked to my mother, and her machinations.

Her crimes affected more than one generation, and justice is unlikely.  But I try to keep the younger ones strong, because I see the same symptoms that once infected me…

It was when my cerebral palsy became more of a challenge, that I finally focused on improving my health. If anger is representative by the colour red, then I figured that calm, is blue, soothing like an ebbing wave. I pictured myself as the wild horse: racing against the waves, yet of course really running away from myself… until I faced my ire, the manky mane, of it, the shabby coat, and ill-fitting shoes. All the elements of my anger finally exposed. And in those moments as I breathed -in the sea air: I’d finally realised that nature itself would provide me with ongoing hush.

It meant eating well, learning how to breath properly, and committing to breath work daily, often many times throughout the day. And a mind shift in attitude: nature was not something to just view on a box, we need the connection to it: – smell scent vision and touch of it.

We are all connected to nature, trees emulate the shape of our lungs. All animals simply need: food water and shelter. Practicing daily gratitude for anything more than these basic things is essential. To appreciate less truly calms the atoms of us…

I shared my healing journey with those in my family that I could. I carry survivors -guilt and a large chunk of anger about losing my poor brother. He incorrectly blamed himself for my mother’s crimes.

But now that I wear a glossy mane, and as healthy- a- body as possible: I still feel the wild horse of me.

Yet, it charges differently now, when I feel it rise, I must take immediate action to harness it. But now I feed it a sweet apple for all it’s hard work… Because it was never about just healing me. I journaled my life, introspectively – just like my brother and I had always planned to, and I hope that my book will soon attract the eyes of an agent.  This way other ordinary people might like to learn about how I dealt with all my frayed emotions, and to feel guided, especially if they’ve not known maternal nurturing.

Lastly, being amongst nature truly is the most direct way to evoke a sense of peace; and since it’s the opposite feeling of anger, it’s so important to immerse yourself in our natural world.

I hope you find this helpful.

SUNNY wishes,

Emma x