The pain of losing a loved one is indescribable. It affects our entire physiology, and more so when there is a lack of traditional family support.

I have endured many losses. I won’t list them all, but losing my father, who I idolised, was extremely hard, especially since I was young and had no traditional family support.

I was in a top-notch job which I’d only just started when he passed away, yet nonetheless, my employers were very kind to me. But I didn’t wish to have any time off work – my work ethic, twinned with my father’s, kept me going!

I probably put grieving on hold, more so when I found out I was suddenly expecting a child: I pushed my own needs to the back of my mind.

My then GP kindly recommended I see a bereavement counselor, but they overlooked attending my appointment three consecutive times! My partner was horrified, but I simply accepted the oversights: I was too numb to think and I continued working ‘til I was eight months pregnant.

I was functioning in one mode: work. I was trying to make my daddy proud of me, even though he wasn’t around to commend me or witness my accomplishments!

But, when my pregnancy was confirmed, albeit I had a hunch that I was expecting, a notion formed in my mind’s eye: “Daddy is somehow giving me the gift of life where he was taken.”

I saw being pregnant as a comforting sign from him. I knew that in spite of my child’s gender, I would honor my father by naming my future child after him.

I figured because Einstein had said that energy never fades, that I could always look for signs and attribute them to my daddy watching over me. It gave me immense comfort and I’d look for as many signs as possible: robins, white feathers, etc. Funnily enough, my daughter was born on a date that would be special to my dad: that became a sign and I would go on to idolise her too.

In my imagination, I was certain that he was with me at the hospital, and all the while my heart was broken, I focussed instead on the honor and joy of being a new mummy.

I adopted this way of thinking in raising my child. I was careful to focus on positive things which I’d highlight to her: the sun shining meant that daddy was blowing kisses at us, or we’d find a pound coin and that meant that Grandpappy was sending us luck and so on.

However much we may be hurting, looking for and collecting as many happy signs as possible truly does help give us the hugs that are absent from more traditional sources. And it is worth remembering that we all live with feelings of happiness and sadness.