Abuse and trauma survivors often have a different parental blueprint than those who’ve enjoyed a healthy upbringing. There can be stark oversights, even when it comes to the most basic aspects of living: eating healthily and regularly, going to bed at a decent hour, or tending to a minor injury.

In short, much of these “normal” functionalities were absent in the abused child’s life as we had to fend for ourselves; so, as adult children, we can easily neglect these foundations of wellbeing.

We might still have the residue of an abuser’s narrative festering in our minds, and on challenging days we find it hard to turn the volume down. We could be feeling that such fundamental needs are self-indulgent, which of course they’re not, and self-doubt pricks our every atom. It can twine itself around our intellect in just the same way as an ivy bush.

Are you eating nourishing food, and are you eating at regular times? I am, and I pride myself on being able to cook healthy food. But, there was a lull in my doing so, and it coincided with my daughter leaving home. It’s the “good at taking care of others” syndrome, where we are not so great at looking after ourselves. Nowadays I meal plan to avoid this and find batch cooking very helpful.

What about getting a healthy sleep quota? Again, for me, post the days of the school run, this went askew for a while too. It frequently doesn’t dawn on some of us because there was no healthy routine at home growing up.

How about minor ailments, do you tend to yours when they arise? I was dreadful at this for a long time, and besides, I was my own nurse as a child.

It was a simple prompt that helped me eventually and it came in the form of a safety training module. I can’t recall the exact words, but it was along the lines of putting one’s own safety jacket on first…

I hope this serves as a reminder that taking care of you is not self-indulgent, and nor is it a luxury. Moreover, the more of the basic aspects of living that you master, the stronger you will be at building your wellbeing foundation. In so, it becomes easier to build in more healthy pursuits for your wellness and helps develop a conscious calmer sense of self.