Most of us argue, and none of us like the residual feelings in the pit of our stomachs and hearts, post a fallout.
There are many reasons why we quarrel and these are both externally and internally driven. The exterior factors could be work insecurities, unsteady finances, or forced changes within your living standards. The internal factors could be worries about your mental/physical health, concerns about a loved one’s health, low self-esteem, or poor coping strategies due to the way that you have been raised.
Whether these factors are in or out of your control, you may draw comfort in knowing that an astonishing 67% percent of adults cannot correctly identify their emotions. We, humans, have the most complex brain of the species.
So, it’s no wonder that we can easily misconstrue one another. We can be guilty of saying unkind things in the heat of an argument which in the small hours we ruminate over and regret.
How can we stop this stressful behavior?
  • Request time out, or simply walk away from a feud
  • Do five repetitions of a simple breathing exercise: draw air through your nostrils, count to four then exhale through the mouth (pursed-lip breathing)
  • Announce that you are being misunderstood, and suggest to the other person that you resume a conversation once they have had the chance to clear their head
  • Suggest a more suitable time later in the day to resume the conversation
  • Offer to go for a walk together and show a united approach: “Let’s go for a walk and talk this through together”, or “Let’s grab a coffee, and see if we can sort this out now.”
  • Write down your qualms and encourage the other person to do so, and agree a good time later in the day to talk through your issues: “I hear what you’re saying, but it’s not fair on the children to continue this now, can we talk about it later when they’re in bed?”
Misunderstanding one another is nothing to be ashamed of, and nor does it have anything to do with intellect. It’s nearly always attributed to the relationship that we have with ourselves. When we realise this, we can then enjoy a calmer and more informed approach to managing other relationships. Fundamentally, we humans seek to give and receive love, and it is only the complexities of life that hinder our natural flow.