Have you ever regretted saying something that you don’t mean?

I certainly have, and if I’m honest, I still do. But, when this happens, I’ve learnt to apologise as quickly as possible …

This is because, when my daughter was at school, I said one too many, unkind things to her. They were not helpful and I caused unnecessary pain. My daughter had every right to get cross, and the following nights in bed, as I still do, I processed my day’s events. I festered in a remorseful stew!

But, luckily, I realised something. It was my self-narrative and it was wrong. It was angry. It was confused. It was damaged, due to a harrowing childhood. It seemed as though I’d unearthed a secret echo in my sub-conscious mind. It was as though it contained recordings of my childhood: an alphabetical list of inappropriate and harmful stock answers for the conversations I’d witnessed.

Effectively, whenever these emotions popped up as an adult, sub-consciously I’d pluck out an unhealthy answer which actually didn’t belong to my personality at all. It was memory recall.

So often, and especially those of you who’ve suffered trauma, we exist in a numb state. It’s likely that we are partly trying to protect ourselves from hurting. However, the more you practice using your conscious mind, the more “awake” or alert you will feel.

Try running through your day in the evening. If you think that some of the things you’ve said do not match your character, then you too may have a damaged narrative which doesn’t belong to you. And by recognising that trait in you, you can then start to resolve it.