Abuse and trauma survivors often feel unheard. We have gone along with situations with fear beating in our hearts. We grow up, often acutely empathetic of other people’s plights, and we go to extreme measures so that we don’t offend others.

We have little regard for our own feelings. We are still numb with shock and pain, or we’re midst trying to process historic trauma. Unless it has been skilfully addressed, then we remain trapped in our own heads whilst trying to function normally on the exterior: the painted face we show to the outside world.

We’ll say yes to something when we really mean no, and then plummet into a state of frustration or depression because we get angry with ourselves.

But saying “no” is liberating, and for the lucky majority of us, we live in a democratic society. We’re allowed to express our opinions – even if as children we were disallowed.

I’ve only fairly recently been practising saying “no”, and it does indeed require practice. My advice is that you bring the word into your vocabulary for the less important things first.

Actually, an old school friend unwittingly helped bring this flaw in my nature to mind. I’d asked him whether he liked my boots, to which, and without any underlying nuance, he’d replied “No”. Our long-standing friendship was not injured, he was simply stating his opinion – and we carried on with our banter long into the evening, reminiscing about our shared music taste.

Once we can express our authentic opinions in easy scenarios, we can learn to apply them to other aspects of our lives. We feel stronger as we gradually learn to deal with the debris in our minds. We’ve made our own resource.